Beautiful Loser

Where you gonna fall? ... When you realize, you just can't have it all...

Aah Bob Seger, that wise sage...

As Americans, we are winners.  Right?

Or at least we like to think of ourselves as winners.  We won the war against the British and have been winning ever since.  We win the most medals in the Olympics.  We glorify winners.  We tag people as winners.

Some people win and some people don't.

We fight everyday to win at the game of life.

We love phrases like "Winning isn't a sometimes thing, it is an all time thing" or "If winning isn't everything, why do we keep score?"

We as adults translate this into encouraging winning in our kids.  We make winning so important that now so many sports have participation trophies.  You win just by playing.  You win by being on the team.  And I certainly value the concept of teaching that 90% of success in life is showing up.

But in reality not everyone wins.

Most of lose.  A lot.  Let me rephrase, if you look at it closely, we all lose.  A lot.

In fact, I would venture to say that those who win in life really just lose less than others.  Or they play more and simply win more because they are willing risk more.  And those are the ones who have lost and have learned to continue and persist.  Actors and salespeople and athletes really fail more they succeed.  A .300 batting average is terrific.  But that means they fail 70% of the time.

So why do we only value winning when we should be valuing resiliency?  Coming back tomorrow when you have lost today is what we should be teaching.  Getting better - improvement - is what we should value.,  Bettering your time, your score is what we should value.  If that means winning great.  If it means losing, that doesn't mean it is bad.

This thought is near and dear to my heart.

My oldest son has had a great year in sports.  His swim team won the state championship.  His baseball team took second place.  His football team took first place in the city.

And this worries the heck out of me.

When I was a kid I was on all sorts of championship teams.  And I think it hurt me a bit.  I think it made me soft as a young adult.  I think my expectations of success were skewed.  I expected too much.  And when I failed, I got depressed.  And, I feel, I probably take less risks than I should.

And I don't want that for my son or any of my other kids.  I think it would be good to experience some losing seasons and come back and have winning one after.

It might sound too cliche to say it building character.  But it certainly builds armor to come back and win the next time.  And find value in the activity beyond the result.  There are just many lessons lost when thew value is placed on winning only.

Loving the journey as apposed to the destination.
Getting back up.
Improving.
Being a good sport.
Just to name a few....

And let me be clear, I am super competitive.  My wife is competitive, and my kids are competitive.

I like winning.  I like my kids winning.

But learning to lose at a young age gives you a better chance to win more as an adult.  And to me that is what childhood is all about: learning.  Better stated: that is what life is all about learning to lose so you win the next time.  Learning to fight another day.

'Cause it's easier
And faster when you fall

You just don't need it all
You just don't need it all
You just don't need it all
Just don't need it all