A Good Guy

Like all things in life, I guess, inspiration comes when you least expect it.  And as a parent I suppose we rarely expect ourselves to be inspired, per say, as raising children is more of an act in survival than it is in some sort of creative stimulation.  A cup of coffee in the morning is all the stimulation we can count on, anything else is just luck.

Nevertheless I was quite touched when watching an episode of SEC Stories on ESPN called The Book of Manning.  The story chronicles the lives of NFL player Archie Manning and his 3 boys, two of whom, Peyton and Eli, have also become star NFL quarterbacks.  A third son, Cooper, was a star wide receiver in high school who received a scholarship to Ole Miss but had to end his playing career early having been diagnosed spinal stenosis during his freshman year of college.

In an attempt to understand his family’s rare success, Archie Manning was asked how he raised such prolific athletes.  His response was that there was no real plan to do so.  It just sort of happened.  His real intent was something he carried on from his own father.  Archie’s father, who committed suicide when Archie was in college, gave him a piece of advice while driving him to school prior to his freshman year.  Given that Archie was heading to Ole Miss to play football he could have given him all kinds of advice.  He could have quoted Lombardi.  He could have told him the value of toughness in a dog eat dog world.  He could have told him to never quit.

Yet, his advice was simple – and perhaps more delicate than one would expect from of father of his era.  He simply asked Archie to be a good guy.  He said he wanted, above all else, for Archie to be known as a good guy.  Archie, in turn, being motivated to always be present for his boys given the loss of his own father at a young age, requested nothing more of Cooper, Peyton, and Eli than to be good guys, good people.

In an age where competitiveness and bettering one’s self, in comparison to others, seems to run rampant, this struck me as sage advice.  Having reached the pinnacle of athletic success, Eli and Peyton could certainly be known for their competitive fire, leadership, ice water veins, and ability to win – and they are – but their ability to be liked, and likable, seems to trump all of the characteristics that one would perceive to be necessary for success in football and life.  Even average football fans, like say my wife or sister-in-law, find a simple congeniality in these guys that really has nothing to do with their ability to throw a ball or execute the west coast offense.  They could love Tom Brady or Drew Brees.  But they consistently say, “I loooooove Peyton Manning.” 

But why?  They are a bit charming in dopey sort of way I suppose.  Their faces have an odd handsomeness perhaps.   I personally think it comes back to Archie’s rearing.  It is a love of each other.  It is a respect for family.  But more so, it is that they appear to strive to be - quite simply, nice.  For some reason they are likable.  Men like them.  Women like them.  Kids like them.  No one hates them.  I think we all wish we could say that.

And where I live in the land of supposed nice – Minnesota Nice - it struck me as a worthy point of emphasis with my own children; and, in other ways, with myself.  Nonetheless, to tell a young child to be nice isn't always an easy thing to explain.  Being nice is one thing.  But being nice in a world when it pays to be mean is an almost impossible thing to ask.  So how to do you raise kids to be genuine, genuinely nice, and still have some backbone?  How do you be nice and know when to be firm – and still be nice?

Some send our kids to private cool and hope it is still cool to be good.  Some might enforce a rigorous set of rules.  All worthy approaches with probable successes.  When in doubt, however, I suggest we call on a cinematic classic, Roadhouse.   In a pivotal scene, the main character, Dalton, who is played by Patrick Swayze, addresses his team of bouncers who are faced with making their bar a more reputable place to patronize.  He has three rules and the third is: be nice.  

The first two have to do with fighting so as a parent I am going to deem them unnecessary at this point.  So Dalton says: “If somebody gets in your face and calls you a _____, I want you to be nice.  Ask him to walk, be nice.  If he won’t walk, walk him.  But be nice.  If you can’t walk him, one of the others will help you.  And you’ll both be nice.”

Perhaps I am being a bit tongue and cheek.  In fact, I am.  But the point is that it pays to be nice.  You’ll have less trouble if you are nice.  And while most of us won’t have legacy like the Manning’s, the least we can do for ourselves, and our children, is to be known as nice people. 

As parents, we always want the best for kids.  Unfortunately that sometimes translates into wishing they be the best at things.  We then become competitive.  We then want to win.  We then want to do anything it takes.  And then usually we are not very nice.  Therefore, if we follow the message of Roadhouse and teach our kids to be nice in all circumstances, even when people aren't being so nice to us they will be more likely to behave that way even when we wouldn't expect them to be.

Then maybe with a little luck they turn out to be above all else good people.  Maybe they won’t play in the NFL but they won’t need to, their legacy will already be written.  Better to be a good guy anyway.